Alfred's head had inclined toward Ivar's hand in his hair but then it's gone and he misses it. There's something that sticks with him about Ivar's intentions back home, though it does matter very little here. It probably wouldn't matter if he were able to get through to Ivar here, things would change if they were home once more. He hates the thought of things here meaning nothing if they were ever to return home.
He feels the shudder that went through Ivar and he doesn't understand it, doesn't understand a lot about Ivar actually. "Just because I am here doesn't mean I am not still King of Wessex," he said quietly. It's as much a part of him as anything else. He rests his hand over Ivar's for a moment before shifting it to drop it to the bed instead.
"If there is only us and nothing to fight over maybe you shouldn't remind me of your intentions," Alfred says and his voice is almost chiding. "It is easy to forget when you're..." he doesn't know how to finish the sentence. "When we're like this," he says lamely, flustered all the more. "Not that I know what this is." he adds.
Ivar sits up a little bit straighter, but it's only so he can get a better look at Alfred. There's a quirk to his mouth which suggests a puzzled smile. "You're a strange sort of king. If your father was king and here, he would have already tried to murder me, or the other way around." He'd always thought of going back to England and boiling Aethelwulf in a pot of hot oil for the part he'd partaken in his father's death. But instead he'd had to content himself with the revenge he'd already had.
Alfred is a contradiction to Ivar, filled with so many different pieces he can't put them together to see the whole like he can with so many other people. His hand twitches like he's thinking about picking Alfred's, but he stops himself.
He doesn't even know what 'this' is anymore than Alfred does. There's something between them, something more than just the friendship they've formed. He doesn't meet Alfred's eyes, instead fixing on a point further down on the bed. "We're friends. That's what we are." But even as he says the words, Ivar's not sure he believes them himself.
Alfred felt a pang of grief at the mention of Aethelwulf but Ivar is probably right. "I was raised to be a different sort of king than my father," he said simply. "And I cannot forget that it was us who broke parlay at York," he added, still angry with both his father and Bishop Heahmund for that dishonorable act.
He shifts to look at Ivar, wanting him to press close again the way he'd sat up put more distance between them that he didn't want.
Alfred reaches to pull Ivar back to his former position so he can press close to him, biting his lip and he almost wasn't going to say anything at all to that. "This doesn't feel like any friendship I've had before," he confesses. There had always been something different with Ivar even in the beginning, their connection was something that had so many different facets, friends, foes, something else.
"My brothers and your father were both a bunch of idiots. They should have had us negotiate instead." The thought makes him laugh a little. Indeed, for all his bad temper, Ivar likely would have at least gotten somewhere with Alfred instead of having a dick-measuring contest like Aethelwulf and Heahmund had gotten into with Ubbe and Hvitserk.
Ivar allows himself to be pulled back down to Alfred's level. He's definitely warm enough now that he could leave and go back to his own room. Instead, he stays, though his body language has definitely grown more tense. He swallows down whatever it is that is drying out his throat. "I wouldn't know. I've never had friends before." Alfred had most definitely been the first.
"Maybe," Alfred said and a small smile touched his lips. His father would have never allowed that, honestly. "I tried to reason with him. Your brothers offered a fair deal." If Alfred had been king he would have made it without hesitation. what his father and grandfather had done to Ragnar had been wrong and there had been a chance to remedy it while avoiding more bloodshed.
Alfred frowns a little, though Ivar let him pull him down. He swallows a little. "I never had many friends either," he admitted. "I was a sickly child and a prince. There was a boy my grandfather thought was Ragnar's son and my brother but..." he shakes his head. He shifts a little, turning toward Ivar. It kept their bodies close, maybe too close in some ways but he found himself laying his head against Ivar's shoulder. "But...there's Kelson," he murmurs.
"I would not have him in my bed like this," he feels awkward saying it, vulnerable though he doesn't really understand it fully.
"I tried to tell them one battle wouldn't make you all agree to our terms. Maybe after a few, your father's spirits would have been broken enough to consider what they wanted. But no, Ubbe was naive and optimistic." There is scorn in Ivar's voice. There was a reason he and his brother had split instead of continuing along the same path. The things they wanted were just too different.
Ivar nods. "I understand. Being a cripple and a prince, there was no one besides my brothers who paid any attention to me." He suddenly realizes that Alfred now has his head on his shoulder. He's unsure of how to react.
He wants to stay right next to Alfred, but at the same time, part of him wants to pull away from him. He needs time to think about what's going on right now and what it means for the two of them.
“Ubbe wasn’t naive,” Alfred countered but then again Alfred had agreed with Ubbe and fought for his cause so maybe he had also been naive. What does it say about him that he would still want to make the same choice today?
Alfred is quiet as he thought about that. “What was it like to have so many brothers?”
Ivar pauses a moment as he thinks. "Loud," he finally says. "And chaotic. There was never a dull moment. None of the other children in Kattegat would play with me, but they always found time for me." There's genuine fondness in his voice. Ivar could have otherwise been very lonely in his childhood without his brothers around.
He's getting very warm now, which is making him sleepy as well. Ivar should leave before this goes any farther. Well, whatever 'this' is, which he's not entirely sure of. "Don't you have one as well?"
Alfred smiles at the description, the bit of insight into to Ivar in that moment. It made him feel warmer somehow. It's a strange thing. He was also tired but had stopped thinking how strange it was that Ivar was there even though there were all the thoughts about what this was, what it was exactly that he was feeling but he tabled the thoughts as best as he could to relax instead.
"Yes, but it was different," Alfred said quietly. "Even when Magnus was there too. We were never very loud," he smiles and stifles a yawn. "Aethelred and Magnus could be quite loud before Magnus was sent away. I was very lucky Aethelred never treated me differently," but that is a longer conversation for another day if Ivar couldn't piece it together on his own.
Ivar figured something loaded was meant behind the words, but he wasn't sure what it was. Court gossip from England had never had its way all the way to Kattegat, or if it had, Ivar had never paid attention to it. Besides, he's too drowsy now to try and piece it together. "You must tell me more about growing up in England. I'd like to know."
He means to close his eyes for a moment only, but it just feels so nice and comfortable right now. Lying next to Alfred makes him feel safe, like the feeling he used to get around his family before they'd all either died or been driven away by him. He starts to drift off.
Alfred makes a soft sound of agreement. He notices that Ivar seems to be falling asleep and for a bit that wakes him up further, though he doesn't know why his heart races as they stay pressed close together, Ivar's body heat soaking into him. Eventually, he too will fall asleep.
---time skip---
Alfred had woken up before Ivar as well and it'd felt weird to realize what the warm lump was behind him, feel the light breath just there. He'd done his best not to think too deeply about all of it, about what any of it meant, much less the feelings that he tried to tamp down. He'd carefully moved out of the bed to get dressed and move to the kitchen and gone about his day.
The following days he'd been a little avoidant, maybe distant even when Ivar would try to talk to him. He felt awkward and even if all he wanted to do was talk with Ivar, spend time with him, play games or even fall asleep with him again he'd avoided even squarely looking at the Viking instead.
Ivar was agitated when Alfred seemed to be avoiding him. So, it seemed like they were playing the game of pretending that nothing had happened between them. He knew the young king could oftentimes be passive-aggressive when he was upset. But Ivar couldn't figure what he'd done wrong and that was what was killing him.
Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. When Alfred tried to pass by him when he was sitting on the couch, he reached out, and grabbed him roughly by the arm. "Enough is enough. Sit down," he said in the same tone he would use when giving an order to one of his subjects.
Alfred was surprised to say the least when Ivar suddenly grabbed him. It certainly isn't something he's used to. People don't just grab a prince -- or a king. He frowned as he looked toward Ivar. He tries to pull his arm away as he raises his brow at Ivar.
There seems to be a moment he is tempted to point out that Ivar has no place to order him about but instead he exhales heavily. Whether he'd been really thinking about it or not when he was doing it he knew he was avoiding Ivar. He knew that it was likely irritating the Viking.
"What, Ivar?" he asks as he moves to sit.
In truth, he's not upset with Ivar, not exactly. He's just caught in a rather confusing spiral.
"You've been avoiding me for days like you're mad at me or something." He chews on the inside of one cheek destructively as he thinks for a moment of how to word the next thing he wants to say. "So just tell me what it is because I can't figure it out and I'm tired of trying to guess."
Maybe then they can move on from it and get back to being friends again. The problem with making friends with people is that it was an addictive process. Once you started, there was no going back to the loneliness that one had endured before. Friends made life like that unbearable when you knew there was more out there.
Alfred doesn’t know what to say. He crosses his arms, mostly because he feels put on the spot and he supposed that’s because Ivar is putting him on the spot but he deserves it honestly. There’s never really been someone to call him on this when he behaved this way before. No one challenged a prince.
“I’m not mad, Ivar...” Alfred muttered. And that’s true. He’s not mad.
Alfred didn’t know how to explain it, though, what was really the problem. He stayed as close to honest as he could manage.
"Then you've been doing a very good imitation of it these past few days," Ivar says grumpily. He isn't able yet to tell the difference between Alfred's passive-aggressive moods and his confused ones. He runs a hand through his hair while he waits to hear Alfred out.
What he hears doesn't clear anything up. If anything, now Ivar is confused as well. "What do you mean?" He's going to need more information than that to sort everything out here. Nevermind the fact that Ivar himself isn't sure how he feels around Alfred either. But instead of making him want to stay away, all it's done is made him want to get closer to Alfred instead.
Alfred actually rolls his eyes but he supposed it’s kind of fair. He has been avoiding Ivar. Alfred bites his lip for a moment as he wishes he had a cup in his hands or something to keep them busy.
“You make me feel strange when I’m around you, Ivar...” Alfred flushes a little and this time there is no hiding it in the darkness. “Like when you... were cold,” his tongue trips over the words and somehow he was too embarrassed to say when Ivar was in his bed instead. Perhaps that in itself should be telling to Alfred.
“Weren’t you... isn’t it confusing for you?”
Let the ground open and swallow him up now please.
Yes, right now might be a very good time for the ground to open up. Or a meteor to hit the apartment. Or anything else that will keep Ivar from having to answering that question honestly.
Gods, this feels awful.
He won't meet Alfred's eyes, a tell that he's telling the truth instead of lying. "I...don't know how I feel. You make me feel differently than anyone else does." The signs of affection were easy to miss for someone who'd never found them in anyone besides his family. He'd never made the jump with someone from friend to loving them in a decidedly non-platonic manner before.
Alfred studies Ivar when the other is answering. And he knows not to press him to meet his eyes. He knows Ivar well enough to know why he does that. He supposes they're both a bit in the same mess.
"I don't know what to do about it," Alfred said and that had been by and large his avoidance and passive aggressiveness. It was born out of the frustration of lacking answers, of feeling confused and not understanding himself or what had transpired.
"I've never..." he sighs. "I never knew many around my age."
"And you think I did? I was ignored by almost everyone." There's a great deal of bitterness in his voice, but he's already explained to Alfred while he's felt this way his whole life, and so he doesn't feel the need to elaborate.
"I...I care about you," he says. Isn't that strange? Ivar's never really cared for anyone, not anyone who wasn't his family anyway. Hell, even then, some of his brothers would say he didn't feel that way about them. "I've never had anyone in my life like you before."
If the admission hadn't followed the first part, Alfred would have been saying something about how he couldn't comprehend anyone ignoring Ivar. He was smart, fascinating. He could be funny when he wasn't too busy being angry.
Maybe that was the problem.
But there was something about Ivar admitting that he cared about Alfred that made him feel warm. Alfred knew that it was a rare thing. That Ivar didn't really care about people often. Alfred didn't know exactly what to say. Being plain spoken about his feelings wasn't any more natural to him than it was to Ivar really.
"I care about you too, Ivar," Alfred smiles and it's not such a groundbreaking admission from him. "I like you very much... and I liked the other night too."
It's still quite something for Ivar to hear when Alfred tells him that he likes him. Ivar's keen enough to see himself in a mirror and knows for a fact he's anything but likable.
"I've never been around anyone like you before," Ivar confesses. Alfred is someone who gets him on a level other people just don't. They were complete opposites in most respects, but somehow, they seemed to just gel together when they needed to.
Where do they go from here? It's not like he has any yardstick for what measures as a healthy relationship.
Ivar's difficult. But Alfred knows that he can be difficult as well and most of what people would say makes Ivar unlikable is all buffer. There's more to Ivar than that and Alfred has always been able to see through it. Maybe the fact that when they first met they couldn't talk much had been a boon to their friendship. Who knows what impression Ivar could have attempted to make otherwise. Not that Alfred would have been easily deterred even then.
"I don't suppose they have a lot of English princes... kings... in Kattegat," he teased, but he wasn't exactly normal even for that. He was nothing like his grandfather, father or brother by any means.
But he doesn't really know what to do either. "I don't know what it means or what's next," Alfred said. "but I want..." he shrugs. "Something."
They really were two sides of the same coin. Alfred was compassionate and wise beyond his years. Ivar was ruthless and clever to an insane degree. But the two of them seemed to get along perfectly. It was true what they said: opposites really did attract.
"Then let's just see where this leads on its own. The gods will lead us to whatever fate has in store for us no matter what happens." His destiny and Alfred's had always been intertwined. Someday, they'd meet again on the battlefield. But here and now, Ivar could only hope that happened later rather than sooner.
Alfred smiles slightly at Ivar's answer. It's one that makes him nervous for some reason. After all, he understands no better now than he did before what anything meant. But perhaps, seeing where things went on their own would be fine.
He supposed it was better than constant meddling.
"Alright," he agreed. He looks for a second like he might add something else but the words and thoughts seemed to fleet before they're fully formed.
"Did you have any plans? Or would you like to have a drink with me?"
He wouldn't be surprised if a game was also suggested by Ivar.
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winterfish
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Date: 2019-01-01 11:14 am (UTC)He feels the shudder that went through Ivar and he doesn't understand it, doesn't understand a lot about Ivar actually. "Just because I am here doesn't mean I am not still King of Wessex," he said quietly. It's as much a part of him as anything else. He rests his hand over Ivar's for a moment before shifting it to drop it to the bed instead.
"If there is only us and nothing to fight over maybe you shouldn't remind me of your intentions," Alfred says and his voice is almost chiding. "It is easy to forget when you're..." he doesn't know how to finish the sentence. "When we're like this," he says lamely, flustered all the more. "Not that I know what this is." he adds.
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Date: 2019-01-01 11:34 am (UTC)Alfred is a contradiction to Ivar, filled with so many different pieces he can't put them together to see the whole like he can with so many other people. His hand twitches like he's thinking about picking Alfred's, but he stops himself.
He doesn't even know what 'this' is anymore than Alfred does. There's something between them, something more than just the friendship they've formed. He doesn't meet Alfred's eyes, instead fixing on a point further down on the bed. "We're friends. That's what we are." But even as he says the words, Ivar's not sure he believes them himself.
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Date: 2019-01-01 11:44 am (UTC)He shifts to look at Ivar, wanting him to press close again the way he'd sat up put more distance between them that he didn't want.
Alfred reaches to pull Ivar back to his former position so he can press close to him, biting his lip and he almost wasn't going to say anything at all to that. "This doesn't feel like any friendship I've had before," he confesses. There had always been something different with Ivar even in the beginning, their connection was something that had so many different facets, friends, foes, something else.
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Date: 2019-01-01 12:04 pm (UTC)Ivar allows himself to be pulled back down to Alfred's level. He's definitely warm enough now that he could leave and go back to his own room. Instead, he stays, though his body language has definitely grown more tense. He swallows down whatever it is that is drying out his throat. "I wouldn't know. I've never had friends before." Alfred had most definitely been the first.
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Date: 2019-01-01 12:10 pm (UTC)Alfred frowns a little, though Ivar let him pull him down. He swallows a little. "I never had many friends either," he admitted. "I was a sickly child and a prince. There was a boy my grandfather thought was Ragnar's son and my brother but..." he shakes his head. He shifts a little, turning toward Ivar. It kept their bodies close, maybe too close in some ways but he found himself laying his head against Ivar's shoulder. "But...there's Kelson," he murmurs.
"I would not have him in my bed like this," he feels awkward saying it, vulnerable though he doesn't really understand it fully.
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Date: 2019-01-02 10:05 am (UTC)Ivar nods. "I understand. Being a cripple and a prince, there was no one besides my brothers who paid any attention to me." He suddenly realizes that Alfred now has his head on his shoulder. He's unsure of how to react.
He wants to stay right next to Alfred, but at the same time, part of him wants to pull away from him. He needs time to think about what's going on right now and what it means for the two of them.
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Date: 2019-01-03 05:01 am (UTC)Alfred is quiet as he thought about that. “What was it like to have so many brothers?”
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Date: 2019-01-17 08:32 am (UTC)He's getting very warm now, which is making him sleepy as well. Ivar should leave before this goes any farther. Well, whatever 'this' is, which he's not entirely sure of. "Don't you have one as well?"
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Date: 2019-01-17 04:01 pm (UTC)"Yes, but it was different," Alfred said quietly. "Even when Magnus was there too. We were never very loud," he smiles and stifles a yawn. "Aethelred and Magnus could be quite loud before Magnus was sent away. I was very lucky Aethelred never treated me differently," but that is a longer conversation for another day if Ivar couldn't piece it together on his own.
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Date: 2019-01-18 07:11 am (UTC)He means to close his eyes for a moment only, but it just feels so nice and comfortable right now. Lying next to Alfred makes him feel safe, like the feeling he used to get around his family before they'd all either died or been driven away by him. He starts to drift off.
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Date: 2019-01-19 06:31 am (UTC)---time skip---
Alfred had woken up before Ivar as well and it'd felt weird to realize what the warm lump was behind him, feel the light breath just there. He'd done his best not to think too deeply about all of it, about what any of it meant, much less the feelings that he tried to tamp down. He'd carefully moved out of the bed to get dressed and move to the kitchen and gone about his day.
The following days he'd been a little avoidant, maybe distant even when Ivar would try to talk to him. He felt awkward and even if all he wanted to do was talk with Ivar, spend time with him, play games or even fall asleep with him again he'd avoided even squarely looking at the Viking instead.
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Date: 2019-01-22 06:39 am (UTC)Finally, he couldn't take it any longer. When Alfred tried to pass by him when he was sitting on the couch, he reached out, and grabbed him roughly by the arm. "Enough is enough. Sit down," he said in the same tone he would use when giving an order to one of his subjects.
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Date: 2019-01-22 06:52 am (UTC)There seems to be a moment he is tempted to point out that Ivar has no place to order him about but instead he exhales heavily. Whether he'd been really thinking about it or not when he was doing it he knew he was avoiding Ivar. He knew that it was likely irritating the Viking.
"What, Ivar?" he asks as he moves to sit.
In truth, he's not upset with Ivar, not exactly. He's just caught in a rather confusing spiral.
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Date: 2019-01-23 10:42 am (UTC)Maybe then they can move on from it and get back to being friends again. The problem with making friends with people is that it was an addictive process. Once you started, there was no going back to the loneliness that one had endured before. Friends made life like that unbearable when you knew there was more out there.
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Date: 2019-01-23 10:53 am (UTC)“I’m not mad, Ivar...” Alfred muttered. And that’s true. He’s not mad.
Alfred didn’t know how to explain it, though, what was really the problem. He stayed as close to honest as he could manage.
“I’m confused by myself with you.”
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Date: 2019-01-26 01:24 pm (UTC)What he hears doesn't clear anything up. If anything, now Ivar is confused as well. "What do you mean?" He's going to need more information than that to sort everything out here. Nevermind the fact that Ivar himself isn't sure how he feels around Alfred either. But instead of making him want to stay away, all it's done is made him want to get closer to Alfred instead.
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Date: 2019-01-26 01:44 pm (UTC)“You make me feel strange when I’m around you, Ivar...” Alfred flushes a little and this time there is no hiding it in the darkness. “Like when you... were cold,” his tongue trips over the words and somehow he was too embarrassed to say when Ivar was in his bed instead. Perhaps that in itself should be telling to Alfred.
“Weren’t you... isn’t it confusing for you?”
Let the ground open and swallow him up now please.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-28 02:39 am (UTC)Gods, this feels awful.
He won't meet Alfred's eyes, a tell that he's telling the truth instead of lying. "I...don't know how I feel. You make me feel differently than anyone else does." The signs of affection were easy to miss for someone who'd never found them in anyone besides his family. He'd never made the jump with someone from friend to loving them in a decidedly non-platonic manner before.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-28 02:58 am (UTC)"I don't know what to do about it," Alfred said and that had been by and large his avoidance and passive aggressiveness. It was born out of the frustration of lacking answers, of feeling confused and not understanding himself or what had transpired.
"I've never..." he sighs. "I never knew many around my age."
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Date: 2019-01-28 09:48 am (UTC)"I...I care about you," he says. Isn't that strange? Ivar's never really cared for anyone, not anyone who wasn't his family anyway. Hell, even then, some of his brothers would say he didn't feel that way about them. "I've never had anyone in my life like you before."
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Date: 2019-01-28 12:26 pm (UTC)Maybe that was the problem.
But there was something about Ivar admitting that he cared about Alfred that made him feel warm. Alfred knew that it was a rare thing. That Ivar didn't really care about people often. Alfred didn't know exactly what to say. Being plain spoken about his feelings wasn't any more natural to him than it was to Ivar really.
"I care about you too, Ivar," Alfred smiles and it's not such a groundbreaking admission from him. "I like you very much... and I liked the other night too."
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Date: 2019-01-29 07:40 am (UTC)"I've never been around anyone like you before," Ivar confesses. Alfred is someone who gets him on a level other people just don't. They were complete opposites in most respects, but somehow, they seemed to just gel together when they needed to.
Where do they go from here? It's not like he has any yardstick for what measures as a healthy relationship.
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Date: 2019-01-29 07:38 pm (UTC)"I don't suppose they have a lot of English princes... kings... in Kattegat," he teased, but he wasn't exactly normal even for that. He was nothing like his grandfather, father or brother by any means.
But he doesn't really know what to do either. "I don't know what it means or what's next," Alfred said. "but I want..." he shrugs. "Something."
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Date: 2019-01-31 06:47 am (UTC)"Then let's just see where this leads on its own. The gods will lead us to whatever fate has in store for us no matter what happens." His destiny and Alfred's had always been intertwined. Someday, they'd meet again on the battlefield. But here and now, Ivar could only hope that happened later rather than sooner.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 07:06 pm (UTC)He supposed it was better than constant meddling.
"Alright," he agreed. He looks for a second like he might add something else but the words and thoughts seemed to fleet before they're fully formed.
"Did you have any plans? Or would you like to have a drink with me?"
He wouldn't be surprised if a game was also suggested by Ivar.
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