Alfred doesn’t know what to say. He crosses his arms, mostly because he feels put on the spot and he supposed that’s because Ivar is putting him on the spot but he deserves it honestly. There’s never really been someone to call him on this when he behaved this way before. No one challenged a prince.
“I’m not mad, Ivar...” Alfred muttered. And that’s true. He’s not mad.
Alfred didn’t know how to explain it, though, what was really the problem. He stayed as close to honest as he could manage.
"Then you've been doing a very good imitation of it these past few days," Ivar says grumpily. He isn't able yet to tell the difference between Alfred's passive-aggressive moods and his confused ones. He runs a hand through his hair while he waits to hear Alfred out.
What he hears doesn't clear anything up. If anything, now Ivar is confused as well. "What do you mean?" He's going to need more information than that to sort everything out here. Nevermind the fact that Ivar himself isn't sure how he feels around Alfred either. But instead of making him want to stay away, all it's done is made him want to get closer to Alfred instead.
Alfred actually rolls his eyes but he supposed it’s kind of fair. He has been avoiding Ivar. Alfred bites his lip for a moment as he wishes he had a cup in his hands or something to keep them busy.
“You make me feel strange when I’m around you, Ivar...” Alfred flushes a little and this time there is no hiding it in the darkness. “Like when you... were cold,” his tongue trips over the words and somehow he was too embarrassed to say when Ivar was in his bed instead. Perhaps that in itself should be telling to Alfred.
“Weren’t you... isn’t it confusing for you?”
Let the ground open and swallow him up now please.
Yes, right now might be a very good time for the ground to open up. Or a meteor to hit the apartment. Or anything else that will keep Ivar from having to answering that question honestly.
Gods, this feels awful.
He won't meet Alfred's eyes, a tell that he's telling the truth instead of lying. "I...don't know how I feel. You make me feel differently than anyone else does." The signs of affection were easy to miss for someone who'd never found them in anyone besides his family. He'd never made the jump with someone from friend to loving them in a decidedly non-platonic manner before.
Alfred studies Ivar when the other is answering. And he knows not to press him to meet his eyes. He knows Ivar well enough to know why he does that. He supposes they're both a bit in the same mess.
"I don't know what to do about it," Alfred said and that had been by and large his avoidance and passive aggressiveness. It was born out of the frustration of lacking answers, of feeling confused and not understanding himself or what had transpired.
"I've never..." he sighs. "I never knew many around my age."
"And you think I did? I was ignored by almost everyone." There's a great deal of bitterness in his voice, but he's already explained to Alfred while he's felt this way his whole life, and so he doesn't feel the need to elaborate.
"I...I care about you," he says. Isn't that strange? Ivar's never really cared for anyone, not anyone who wasn't his family anyway. Hell, even then, some of his brothers would say he didn't feel that way about them. "I've never had anyone in my life like you before."
If the admission hadn't followed the first part, Alfred would have been saying something about how he couldn't comprehend anyone ignoring Ivar. He was smart, fascinating. He could be funny when he wasn't too busy being angry.
Maybe that was the problem.
But there was something about Ivar admitting that he cared about Alfred that made him feel warm. Alfred knew that it was a rare thing. That Ivar didn't really care about people often. Alfred didn't know exactly what to say. Being plain spoken about his feelings wasn't any more natural to him than it was to Ivar really.
"I care about you too, Ivar," Alfred smiles and it's not such a groundbreaking admission from him. "I like you very much... and I liked the other night too."
It's still quite something for Ivar to hear when Alfred tells him that he likes him. Ivar's keen enough to see himself in a mirror and knows for a fact he's anything but likable.
"I've never been around anyone like you before," Ivar confesses. Alfred is someone who gets him on a level other people just don't. They were complete opposites in most respects, but somehow, they seemed to just gel together when they needed to.
Where do they go from here? It's not like he has any yardstick for what measures as a healthy relationship.
Ivar's difficult. But Alfred knows that he can be difficult as well and most of what people would say makes Ivar unlikable is all buffer. There's more to Ivar than that and Alfred has always been able to see through it. Maybe the fact that when they first met they couldn't talk much had been a boon to their friendship. Who knows what impression Ivar could have attempted to make otherwise. Not that Alfred would have been easily deterred even then.
"I don't suppose they have a lot of English princes... kings... in Kattegat," he teased, but he wasn't exactly normal even for that. He was nothing like his grandfather, father or brother by any means.
But he doesn't really know what to do either. "I don't know what it means or what's next," Alfred said. "but I want..." he shrugs. "Something."
They really were two sides of the same coin. Alfred was compassionate and wise beyond his years. Ivar was ruthless and clever to an insane degree. But the two of them seemed to get along perfectly. It was true what they said: opposites really did attract.
"Then let's just see where this leads on its own. The gods will lead us to whatever fate has in store for us no matter what happens." His destiny and Alfred's had always been intertwined. Someday, they'd meet again on the battlefield. But here and now, Ivar could only hope that happened later rather than sooner.
Alfred smiles slightly at Ivar's answer. It's one that makes him nervous for some reason. After all, he understands no better now than he did before what anything meant. But perhaps, seeing where things went on their own would be fine.
He supposed it was better than constant meddling.
"Alright," he agreed. He looks for a second like he might add something else but the words and thoughts seemed to fleet before they're fully formed.
"Did you have any plans? Or would you like to have a drink with me?"
He wouldn't be surprised if a game was also suggested by Ivar.
Ivar is fully expecting Alfred to continue the conversation. He tends to end up as a dog with a bone when it comes to subjects he's thinking about. So he's surprised when he lets it all be closed.
He smiles then, a genuine one that precious few people ever get to see. He props himself up on the edge of the couch. "A drink and a game of hnefatafl, perhaps? I've yet to teach you how to play."
Alfred would have liked to press the conversation but it also seemed to become more confusing the more the talked and so perhaps there needed to be time to think. He’s been thinking for a while already, but... he’ll tackle that problem later. It left him feeling unsettled that he didn’t feel like they were any closer to a resolution, the let what happens happens attitude of Ivar was unnerving to Alfred.
Alfred can’t help but smile back at Ivar, though, his face brightening and he nods. “A new game to beat you at,” he teased. “I’ll get the drinks?”
Ivar, in contrast, was fully willing to just let the chips fall where they lay. As much as he cared for Alfred, he wasn't as nearly able to look inside himself, and examine his own feelings with any sort of clarity. He didn't mind being passive in this one instance.
His eyes brighten and his whole body seems to relax a little. "Good. It's very much like chess, only instead of all the pieces, there's only kings and pawns." Rather like the way battles were run in real life or so Ivar thought.
"Is it simpler then?" Alfred questions, and he would have firmly disagreed that real battles were only fought with kings and pawns. More often than not, kings became pawns themselves in reality.
With that, he's moving to get some wine and glasses to drink from, though he's never particularly out of hearing range.
"Not so much. But you need a different strategy to win, for the defensive side is outmatched by the attackers." He lines up the pawns, realizes they will need more, and pulls out a second board to get more. You can never have too many chess sets lying about.
"'Tafl involves twenty-four attackers on the outside of the board moving inwards to attack the king and his twelve defenders. The game ends when either the king escapes to the edge of the board or the attackers kill the king." It was easy to see why this game was popular among the Vikings.
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winterfish
no subject
Date: 2019-01-23 10:53 am (UTC)“I’m not mad, Ivar...” Alfred muttered. And that’s true. He’s not mad.
Alfred didn’t know how to explain it, though, what was really the problem. He stayed as close to honest as he could manage.
“I’m confused by myself with you.”
no subject
Date: 2019-01-26 01:24 pm (UTC)What he hears doesn't clear anything up. If anything, now Ivar is confused as well. "What do you mean?" He's going to need more information than that to sort everything out here. Nevermind the fact that Ivar himself isn't sure how he feels around Alfred either. But instead of making him want to stay away, all it's done is made him want to get closer to Alfred instead.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-26 01:44 pm (UTC)“You make me feel strange when I’m around you, Ivar...” Alfred flushes a little and this time there is no hiding it in the darkness. “Like when you... were cold,” his tongue trips over the words and somehow he was too embarrassed to say when Ivar was in his bed instead. Perhaps that in itself should be telling to Alfred.
“Weren’t you... isn’t it confusing for you?”
Let the ground open and swallow him up now please.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-28 02:39 am (UTC)Gods, this feels awful.
He won't meet Alfred's eyes, a tell that he's telling the truth instead of lying. "I...don't know how I feel. You make me feel differently than anyone else does." The signs of affection were easy to miss for someone who'd never found them in anyone besides his family. He'd never made the jump with someone from friend to loving them in a decidedly non-platonic manner before.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-28 02:58 am (UTC)"I don't know what to do about it," Alfred said and that had been by and large his avoidance and passive aggressiveness. It was born out of the frustration of lacking answers, of feeling confused and not understanding himself or what had transpired.
"I've never..." he sighs. "I never knew many around my age."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-28 09:48 am (UTC)"I...I care about you," he says. Isn't that strange? Ivar's never really cared for anyone, not anyone who wasn't his family anyway. Hell, even then, some of his brothers would say he didn't feel that way about them. "I've never had anyone in my life like you before."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-28 12:26 pm (UTC)Maybe that was the problem.
But there was something about Ivar admitting that he cared about Alfred that made him feel warm. Alfred knew that it was a rare thing. That Ivar didn't really care about people often. Alfred didn't know exactly what to say. Being plain spoken about his feelings wasn't any more natural to him than it was to Ivar really.
"I care about you too, Ivar," Alfred smiles and it's not such a groundbreaking admission from him. "I like you very much... and I liked the other night too."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-29 07:40 am (UTC)"I've never been around anyone like you before," Ivar confesses. Alfred is someone who gets him on a level other people just don't. They were complete opposites in most respects, but somehow, they seemed to just gel together when they needed to.
Where do they go from here? It's not like he has any yardstick for what measures as a healthy relationship.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-29 07:38 pm (UTC)"I don't suppose they have a lot of English princes... kings... in Kattegat," he teased, but he wasn't exactly normal even for that. He was nothing like his grandfather, father or brother by any means.
But he doesn't really know what to do either. "I don't know what it means or what's next," Alfred said. "but I want..." he shrugs. "Something."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 06:47 am (UTC)"Then let's just see where this leads on its own. The gods will lead us to whatever fate has in store for us no matter what happens." His destiny and Alfred's had always been intertwined. Someday, they'd meet again on the battlefield. But here and now, Ivar could only hope that happened later rather than sooner.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-31 07:06 pm (UTC)He supposed it was better than constant meddling.
"Alright," he agreed. He looks for a second like he might add something else but the words and thoughts seemed to fleet before they're fully formed.
"Did you have any plans? Or would you like to have a drink with me?"
He wouldn't be surprised if a game was also suggested by Ivar.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-04 05:57 am (UTC)He smiles then, a genuine one that precious few people ever get to see. He props himself up on the edge of the couch. "A drink and a game of hnefatafl, perhaps? I've yet to teach you how to play."
no subject
Date: 2019-02-07 12:21 am (UTC)Alfred can’t help but smile back at Ivar, though, his face brightening and he nods. “A new game to beat you at,” he teased. “I’ll get the drinks?”
no subject
Date: 2019-02-10 11:22 am (UTC)His eyes brighten and his whole body seems to relax a little. "Good. It's very much like chess, only instead of all the pieces, there's only kings and pawns." Rather like the way battles were run in real life or so Ivar thought.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-11 01:24 am (UTC)With that, he's moving to get some wine and glasses to drink from, though he's never particularly out of hearing range.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-11 06:09 am (UTC)"'Tafl involves twenty-four attackers on the outside of the board moving inwards to attack the king and his twelve defenders. The game ends when either the king escapes to the edge of the board or the attackers kill the king." It was easy to see why this game was popular among the Vikings.